tidbit 4: my reaction to kindergarten

Out of the four of us, I’m probably the one that has been the most affected by Elliot starting kindergarten. During the lead-up to September I was very excited for him to start, mostly because he was so excited, and was thinking very positively about the whole thing. And the first couple of days were so easy — on day one I went in with him and we were only there for about 15 minutes, day two he went on his own for just over an hour with four other classmates and had a great time…and then came day three.

Day three was the Friday of the first week of school, and it was his first full day. Greg and I decided to drop him off together, and it was absolute mayhem. Four kindergarten classes lining up outside the front door of the school, 80 parents (myself included) hovering over their children, and noise, noise, noise. Elliot’s class started moving, he was at the end of the line and ended up being left behind with four other kids. He eventually made it in the door, but I had no idea whether he made it to his classroom or if he was lost in the big, bad school. I pictured him wondering around, crying. That was it for me. I cried. I wanted to go to his classroom and make sure he had made it. I wanted to grab him and take him home. I wanted him to be back in the small, safe confines of daycare. All day I pictured him overwhelmed, scared and missing me.

Of course when I picked him up he was happy as a clam, and we had a wonderful weekend at his Auntie’s wedding. Every time someone asked him about school he seemed very excited. I, on the other hand, fretted all weekend about Monday drop-off and was happy to let Greg do it.

Each day of week two got better, but I still felt very unsettled. Daycare is so transparent (and so small!)– you drop your kids off and you can see all the rooms they’ll be in. The teacher…make that teacherS…are all right there, relaxed and ready to talk to you. All the kids are little. School feels like a big black box. They encourage parents NOT to come inside because of how disruptive it is. I say a quick hi to the teacher every second day or so, and there are kids everywhere! BIG kids. Scary kids.

Interestingly enough, I remember feeling very unsettled when Amy and Elliot switched to their new daycare last year. So it’s not just about the daycare/school comparison, it’s about change. I hate change. My kids don’t exactly embrace it. This makes big transitions hard on all of us. But what was much clearer to me this time around was that I would get to a space where I felt like I was on solid ground again. I’m not there yet, but the more days that pass, the closer I feel. This week has been much better, and I hardly think about the kids while I’m at work.

Then there are all the positives that come from this change. I’m loving witnessing what Elliot is coming home with, just three weeks in. French phrases, French songs, methods for counting the syllables in words, learning all about Terry Fox, and much more. And this past weekend we went to the Esquimalt Lantern Festival and we ran into several of Elliot’s classmates and his teacher. After so many years of knowing very few people in Esquimalt, I can see how I will really feel a part of this community as my kids go through the school system.

it’s no wonder i want to nap

I just put Amy to bed for her nap. We were outside playing for over an hour, and when we came in Greg had the heat on in the house and it was very warm and cozy. Amy put her cozy fleece pajamas on, the ones with feet, and we sat down to read books. She cuddled with me and her bopp while I read to her. I put her in her crib and sang a song, and then started her CD. I sat in her rocking chair, rocking myself, as we listened to the CD for a bit. Before I left her room, I stood by her crib, rubbed her head for a bit and tucked her tightly under her two fleece blankets. When I left she was curled up on her side, thumb in mouth, all tucked in.

Now I’m off to tuck myself in.


I had a post in the making about friendships, and when I started reviewing it I realized it needed some polish, and it’s 11:30 pm. Not the time to polish. I’ll save it for when I have a bit more time and when I’m thinking more clearly.

Instead, I’ll write about what is worrying me right now, in the hopes that I can empty my mind of stress and go straight to sleep.

– Making a decision on a bathroom reno. We’ve sort of been in flux for a while and I’d like to just go forward with getting it done.
– Why the heck Amy gets up so much at night, whether we should try to do anything about it, and when will it end.
– When am I going to find the time to go through our 2010 pictures so I can start making calendars for Christmas.
– My weight. Yes, I know this may sound crazy, but even people who don’t have a weight problem worry about their weight.
– Leaving Heart alone next week for long periods of time — it’ll be her first week without one of us being at home.

And the big one:
– Wondering what our mandatory 8:30 am staff meeting is about on Tuesday. We’ve never had one that early in the morning, and we’ve never had a mandatory one. It can’t be good news.

Not sure that helped at all. But perhaps I’m tired enough to go straight to sleep anyway. And I’ll cross my fingers that Amy sleeps through the night. Fat chance.


It’s funny how quickly your mood can turn around (both for the good and the bad). Elliot had a major meltdown earlier this evening, the first of it’s magnitude in a long while, thankfully, and that started my downward spiral. Then both kids were kind of off until we sat down for dinner. And then there’s the usual getting them to bed, kitchen clean up and lunch making that needs to be done…none of which I felt like doing. Then I snapped at Greg a few times, because hey, he sure deserves it. And that always makes me feel GREAT after the fact.

So I sat down at the computer to do my daily blog post (something else I really felt like doing), and as soon as I logged in I got an IM from my wonderful friend Beth telling me that “Movember” 18th has been declared “Have Sex With A Guy With A Mustache Day”. And it made me laugh. And that’s all it took. I’m no longer in a pissy mood.

Thanks, Beth. 🙂

my day so far

I dragged my butt out of bed at 6:04 to go for a run. Seven minutes into the run I fell. Hard. Knee bleeding, elbow, palm and ego bruised. I considered going home but needed to give Yoshi some exercise, so I thought I’d walk for a bit. I was eventually able to continue my run.

Then Elliot had an emotional breakdown after we asked him not to throw things at the breakfast table. He ended up flopping on the floor, asking to be picked up, but I requested he stand before I pick him up. He just continued to flop about on the floor like his legs wouldn’t work. I almost lost my patience but managed to hold it in check. Fifteen minutes later he finally stood up and I picked him up.

Elliot’s drop off was a bit difficult, especially when he realized I’d forgotten his water bottle at home. We got through it without tears, though.

While driving Greg to work I realized I’d forgotten my wallet at home. Thankfully I remembered before I dropped Greg off, because otherwise I’d have been stranded in the parking lot with no way to pay.

Then I got to the office and realized I’d forgotten my laptop in the car. Had to go back and get it.

It all could have been worse, but still…the day is kind of sucking so far.

i love where i am

Last night was my 20 year high school reunion. Sometimes it’s nice to not have a lot of readers, because I know I won’t be offending any of them when I say it pretty much sucked. I hung in there for almost three hours, but I was ready to leave within 15 minutes of arriving. I had been told by many that their 20 year reunion was a lot more fun than their 10 year, but I disagree. I spent three hours asking the same three questions of people I haven’t seen in 20 years (married? kids? what do you do?). It felt extremely artificial.

I loved high school, but I recognize now that it was because of my teachers, the sports that I did, and a small set of friends who I had a lot of fun with — most of whom are still part of my life. High school was great when I was 15. It’s not so great when I’m 38.

The one bright spot was running into an old family friend who had married someone I graduated with. We rode together a lot as kids, and it was great to catch up with her.

As I left the party with a friend who was equally as unimpressed, I expressed to him that having such a crappy time reinforced how happy I am with my life. As I was “catching up” with these people, I kept thinking of my husband, my kids, my friends and my home in Victoria. It all feels so right.

pissy mood

I’ve been sick for several days, which usually doesn’t get me down, but I’ve been coughing for three days and I’m getting tired of it. Falling asleep has been brutal, and two nights ago I was almost in tears I was so frustrated. Last night when I went to bed my throat didn’t hurt any more, but after some seemingly endless coughing, the sore throat returned.

Then there’s Amy. First an eye infection, then a possible ear infection, then puking in the middle of the night. Combine that with two doctor visits, two different antibiotics and two missed days of daycare, and you’ve just got added stress and worry.

And this morning when I dropped the kids off at daycare I found out that there is no care for Amy for two days in July because of a conference that the caregivers are attending. Apparently a form was sent out in the spring about it, but I’m guessing it was sent out before we started, because I never saw it.

I’ve got two upcoming events that I should be happily anticipating — friends who I’ve been dearly missing coming to stay with us and my 20-year high school reunion this weekend, but I’ve been feeling so gross that I’ve been dreading both events. (Jen, I assume you are reading this, and not to worry…I should be feeling full of glee by the time I see you guys.)

I’m drinking a chai, and there may be some retail therapy in the future.

nothing that a little Christmas music won’t fix

So yesterday wasn’t about Elliot, it was more about me. I woke up feeling terrible (managed to catch whatever the kids had), and Greg ended up staying home from work to take care of the kids. I was able to sleep for about three hours during the day, and laid low for most of the rest of it. Thank goodness for caring husbands with flexible jobs.

I’m feeling much better physically today, but woke up still feeling a bit blue. But I just spent the last hour hanging out with Amy and listening to Christmas music. My house may not look anything like Christmas, but it sounds like it! It improved my mood.

Greg and Elliot put the outside lights up yesterday, and I hope we can get a tree up in the next few days.

I unfortunately missed my office Christmas party last night due to being sick, which was disappointing. But hopefully this means I won’t be sick at Christmas.

it went well

One of the highlights of my night away was Greg phoning me this morning to tell me to not hurry home. Things were going swimmingly here at the homestead. Amy had slept through the night(!), she took the bottles of pumped milk with no fuss, Elliot was happy, and Greg sounded very relaxed.

I had a good time. Unlike a couple of years ago, when my expectations were super high about having my first night away without a child, this year I had no expectations other than enjoying some time with my friends. Yes, this was my first night away without kids since Amy was born, but it’s different now. I’m way more used to being a mum, and it feels like the norm. So a night away is a very nice bonus, but it’s not something I crave.

I’m glad I’ve reached this place.