number twenty: was supposed to be a bit more about my mother…

Last Monday night my mother had a fall and ended up breaking her pelvis. She is doing okay and is home today after spending a week in the hospital, but I feel like it’s just the beginning of something new for me…taking care of my aging mother.

It’s stirring up all sorts of stuff for me…some selfish thoughts around how this will impact my already depleted supply of “me” time, some worrisome thoughts as I imagine her in her house alone, navigating with a walker (I’m with her now and Greg will be here tomorrow and we’ll take it one day at a time on that front, but I will have to leave her at some point!), morbid thoughts around how this is probably the beginning of a series of setbacks for her, and her death seems closer now…nothing really uplifting. However despite all this I am thankful she has moved to Victoria, because if all this was happening in Langley it would be much more complicated.

The other aspect is I’ve just spent a week dealing with the medical system, and while I feel we actually had a good experience overall, I am reminded of the fact that I feel inferior to those in the medical profession, especially doctors, and I have trouble advocating for myself, much less my mother. I am thankful I have my physician sister and brother-in-law to back me up if needed (it hasn’t been needed), but really I wish I could just get over it. It drives me nuts that I feel this way. I’ve been sitting here fuming all day because my mother’s doctor said no when I asked her for a copy of Mum’s various test results — hospital policy is to send them to the family doctor. What’s the point in fuming? I don’t actually need the records — my sister asked to see them if she could, and she can follow up if needed. They will be waiting at my mother’s family doctor’s office when Mum goes to see her next. The appropriate actions have been taken, and the results would be meaningless to me. I guess it’s just the principle of it. I asked for information that is rightfully my mother’s and was turned down.

Anyway, not sure what this post was supposed to be about, but I’ve gone off track…I think I’ll stop here and hope my little rant was therapeutic.