tomorrow is a new day

Concert? Check.

Dinner and games night? Check.

Dinner and birthday party? Check.

Baby shower? Check.

And now I’m exhausted. There is no possible way I could keep this pace up and be a reasonable mother to my kids. I had NO patience today and that was reflected in my parenting. I think I made both kids cry at least three times each. And I was only with them for about half the day.

On the plus side, all the activities were lots of fun, I just can’t pack them all in to a 72 hour period. I’m too old.

depressing topic

A friend of mine lost a friend of hers a couple of weeks ago. He was married with two kids aged five and seven, and he died of a sudden, massive heart attack. He was 44 years old.

I’ve never met this man, but as I spoke to my friend about his death I broke out in tears. There are so many people affected by this. His wife, his relatives, who live out of the country and haven’t seen him in years, and his co-workers and friends who greatly respected him. But what I can’t stop thinking about is his children. His children will likely not remember him. Not as a person. Not as a father. Only as a picture and a handful of vague memories. And that breaks my heart. When I go to that dark place and imagine myself dying young, that is what I panic about. That my kids will not know me. That they wouldn’t know what I liked, what I disliked, what made me smile, how much I loved them.

It is one of the reasons I am glad I blog. It’s not much, but regardless of when I leave this world, my children will always have at least a small, personal part of me to keep.

snow day

It’s about 11:30 pm and the snow is falling. I’m crossing my fingers that it will stick for a few hours in the morning so we can go outside and play with the kids. As Elliot said: “I’m so ‘cited”. I am too. I’ve never lived in a place that got lots of snow, apart from my first year of university in Quebec, and I truly think I would love it. Of course, those of you who have been through it and now live here probably think I’m ignorant, or at least nuts, and perhaps you are right.

For now, I’ll just enjoy looking out the window, and the first thing I’ll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is check to see if any of it stuck around. And then I’ll get my boots on.

what I did tonight

Sitting at Hermann’s Jazz Club waiting for Wil to start playing. It’s our first time here and it’s not what we expected. Full-on restaurant, tables, chairs. Too bad we had a big sushi dinner already. We’re hoping a server will appear eventually so we can put in a drink order.

I can’t publish this now as Greg’s “smart” phone can’t get a data signal. I’ll post after the show.

————

Taking a short break. Wow. Endearingly unpolished. Modest. Funny. Talented. Accessible. Personable. And absolutely awesome. We are loving it. Very happy that I am sharing this night with Greg.

————

Home now, after one of the best concerts I’ve ever seen. And within minutes of him finishing I was able to walk up to him and shake his hand to thank him. Talk about intimate.

moods

It’s funny how quickly your mood can turn around (both for the good and the bad). Elliot had a major meltdown earlier this evening, the first of it’s magnitude in a long while, thankfully, and that started my downward spiral. Then both kids were kind of off until we sat down for dinner. And then there’s the usual getting them to bed, kitchen clean up and lunch making that needs to be done…none of which I felt like doing. Then I snapped at Greg a few times, because hey, he sure deserves it. And that always makes me feel GREAT after the fact.

So I sat down at the computer to do my daily blog post (something else I really felt like doing), and as soon as I logged in I got an IM from my wonderful friend Beth telling me that “Movember” 18th has been declared “Have Sex With A Guy With A Mustache Day”. And it made me laugh. And that’s all it took. I’m no longer in a pissy mood.

Thanks, Beth. 🙂

my love affair with food

I had lunch today at Pigdog, Pig’s latest venture. As my co-worker and I were walking back to the office we were talking a bit about our enjoyment of food. I have to admit, my life is enriched by the food I eat. I can remember specific meals in my life (like the outstanding maple pork roast I made last month, and the amazing meal I had at a winery in NZ almost two years ago) and often my mood will improve during the day if I remember we’re having something particularly good for dinner.

Along with appreciating the taste, I can put back a fair bit of it too. Thankfully I have a metabolism that supports this (and in my own defense I DO exercise, occasionally). I’ve been asked by a restaurant servers, on more than one occasion, if I really want to order as much food as I’ve just ordered. Yes, I do, and I’m going to eat it all, thank you very much for your opinion. Now go make my food!

I’m not sure if the love of food is a learned character trait or if you are born that way. I come from a family that appreciates good food, so I have certainly been supported in my journey. And thankfully I married a husband who is of like mind. It makes eating out fun.

And now I’m starving.

live in the moment, and a bit beyond

My mood improves immensely when I have something to look forward to. It doesn’t have to be much, just something a bit out of the ordinary. And I’ve got lots to look forward to over the next week or so:

– a concert with Greg
– a games night with another couple
– dinner out with another couple and an adult birthday party after that
– The Wizard of Oz with a good friend and her two teenage girls

I’ll fully admit that these are all non-young-children events and that’s part of why I’m looking forward to them. It’s nice to get a break, and it’s definitely nice to connect with my husband without the kids around.

This also means I may have some blog material…a nice side effect.

supportive older brother

It’s very windy out right now — the house is shaking — and the kids have just gone to bed.

After a particularly big gust:

Amy: Wind ‘cares me Mum.

Me: It’s just wind Amy. It’ll blow the trees around and there will be lots of leaves on the ground in the morning.

Elliot, calling very cheerfully from his room: You like leaves, don’t you Amy?

i’m in love with vincent chase

I started watching Entourage a couple of summers ago when the Verges were visiting. Much Music was showing some random season and we watched about five or six episodes. I was hooked. Unfortunately I am seldom able to watch TV when I actually want to, and we’re in the dark ages when it comes to TV technology so taping things is difficult, so as a result I kept missing episodes.

I like to watch TV shows from the beginning and in order, so when Spike TV announced they were airing all the episodes starting from Season 1, I was pretty stoked. And I was even more stoked when I found out they were posting them to their website for viewing. That meant I didn’t have to worry about actually sitting in front of the TV at the right time.

So all was well and good until they got to Season 4. They inexplicably decided to stop mid-season. Very annoying. That was a few months ago, and I’ve since been going through Entourage withdrawal, but doing nothing about it. Then I was on the ferry a couple of weeks ago and I saw a guy watching an episode on his laptop, and was jealous.

So I finally downloaded a couple of episodes from iTunes last night and I’m back in business. Which means Greg won’t be seeing much of me in the evenings. It also means our credit card charges are going to go up. Buying on iTunes is just way too easy.

heart update

We are a week into our trial with Heart, and things are going quite well. She is way more comfortable around the kids, and today I saw her stand, unflinching, as Amy whizzed by her at her usual breakneck speed. She doesn’t like loud, sudden noises, and will still run if we clap or bang something, but she’s definitely getting used to the sounds of our household.

We’ve had a few people come to the door, and she never barks. Nor does she run downstairs. She stays near Greg or I (she’s definitely more confident if one of us is around), slinks down a bit and then slowly makes her way toward the person. If you ignore her, she’ll come up to you even more quickly.

She’s super affectionate, and often comes up to us and puts her head on our leg, or on our shoulder if we’re on the ground. And she loves to be patted.

I worked from home all last week, and she was very easy to have around. She basically curled up on her bed and slept while I worked, and would get up and follow me when I had to leave the room. It was during these days that I realized we are not ready to have a puppy. Heart may come with a few quirks, but it’s nothing compared to the work involved in raising a puppy. Perhaps in a few years.

She definitely likes to be in the same room with you, which can get a bit annoying if you’re moving around a lot. And when we’re playing in the kids’ rooms she likes to be right in the action. Which is problematic because the kids’ rooms are small, and when you have at least one adult, two kids and a medium-sized dog in them, it gets squishy. If we close the door or close the gate at the top of the stairs, she whines to get in. I’m hoping she’ll get more comfortable with being separate and get through that, but I think I can live with it if she continues to do it.

What I won’t be able to live with is separation anxiety when we’re not home. We haven’t left her yet, but we’re going to start with some short periods tomorrow and work up to a few hours over the next week or so. She’s been in the car alone a few times, and today was alone in the car for about 2.5 hours with us checking on her periodically. A few times she was sitting up looking around, other times she was curled up in her bed, seemingly content. I am hoping that the whining she’s doing when she’s separated from us is because she can still see/hear us, and that when we’re really actually gone, she’ll be okay. She whines for a few seconds when Greg leaves for work in the morning, but then is fine.

I let her off leash for the first time today, at the local middle school field. She was really good. A bit tentative at first, but when I started to try to get her to play, she ran around a bit more. Then she started sniffing a lot, and would run to catch up to me. As soon as she caught up to me, she’d stop. No running ahead, which was kind of nice, and I felt like she was really aware of where I was. And when I called her she would come right away.

So…we’ll wait to see how leaving her alone goes, but everything else is looking positive.