i’m so mortal

Tonight while I was out on a dessert run, I followed two teenagers skateboarding down a hill. They were both crouched down, going as fast as they could go, in the middle of the road. I was going about 55 km/h, and they had no trouble staying ahead of me. Neither of them were wearing any protection whatsoever.

I was busy thinking about how much I disapproved of what they were doing when I realized that’s the entry into adulthood…when you realize you are mortal.

the play date

A few weeks ago, Elliot started talking about a couple of the girls in his class, and how he wanted them to come over for a visit. I told him that when I saw their parents, we could talk about having a play date. I wasn’t sure who these girls were, let alone who their parents were, so I wasn’t sure exactly how this conversation with the parents would take place. I was kind of hoping Elliot would just forget about it. His reason for wanting to invite one of the girls over was because she had the same toothbrush as him. I’m thinking that’s not the strongest base for a friendship, even for a three-year-old.

A picked him up a couple of weeks ago and he came running up to me with two girls in tow. One of them announced that her mother said it was okay if Elliot came to her house, the other one just smiled shyly at me (turns out the latter one was the one with the same toothbrush). I had a short conversation with the chatty one, but essentially I blew them off.

Then today we were driving home, and Elliot announces he wants to go to Sam’s house with his drum. I asked why, and he said Sam had a guitar and they were going to make a band. Obviously there had been a conversation about this with Sam…how I would have LOVED to hear it. Apparently the band’s not going to be on the road (?).

I’m guessing this is going to start happening more and more, and I have to admit I’m out of my element. While I want to encourage Elliot to make friends, how do I go about (and this is going to sound bad) figuring out if I actually want Elliot to have a play date with these kids? And if I can somehow surmise that I’m okay with it, how do I go about arranging it with the parents? I run into different parents every time I drop off Elliot.

I can just imagine myself writing a note to the child’s parent, asking for a play date, and the parent reading it, thinking “who is this desperate parent?”. And is this just all talk at this point? Does he really expect anything to happen, or are these just musings?

An obvious tactic is to become more involved at daycare, but seeing as I’m putting my kids in daycare so I can go to work, that’s a bit counter-productive. I will try to go to any events they have, but so far they’ve only had one. Another tactic would be to start having play dates with kids we DO know.

As an aside, Greg informed me that Elliot announced he’s going to Alena’s birthday party (Alena is the one with the toothbrush). We have yet to see an invitation, so I’m guessing he’s not invited.

And so it begins…I have enough trouble with my own social life. I am not looking forward to managing my son’s.

i love where i am

Last night was my 20 year high school reunion. Sometimes it’s nice to not have a lot of readers, because I know I won’t be offending any of them when I say it pretty much sucked. I hung in there for almost three hours, but I was ready to leave within 15 minutes of arriving. I had been told by many that their 20 year reunion was a lot more fun than their 10 year, but I disagree. I spent three hours asking the same three questions of people I haven’t seen in 20 years (married? kids? what do you do?). It felt extremely artificial.

I loved high school, but I recognize now that it was because of my teachers, the sports that I did, and a small set of friends who I had a lot of fun with — most of whom are still part of my life. High school was great when I was 15. It’s not so great when I’m 38.

The one bright spot was running into an old family friend who had married someone I graduated with. We rode together a lot as kids, and it was great to catch up with her.

As I left the party with a friend who was equally as unimpressed, I expressed to him that having such a crappy time reinforced how happy I am with my life. As I was “catching up” with these people, I kept thinking of my husband, my kids, my friends and my home in Victoria. It all feels so right.

pissy mood

I’ve been sick for several days, which usually doesn’t get me down, but I’ve been coughing for three days and I’m getting tired of it. Falling asleep has been brutal, and two nights ago I was almost in tears I was so frustrated. Last night when I went to bed my throat didn’t hurt any more, but after some seemingly endless coughing, the sore throat returned.

Then there’s Amy. First an eye infection, then a possible ear infection, then puking in the middle of the night. Combine that with two doctor visits, two different antibiotics and two missed days of daycare, and you’ve just got added stress and worry.

And this morning when I dropped the kids off at daycare I found out that there is no care for Amy for two days in July because of a conference that the caregivers are attending. Apparently a form was sent out in the spring about it, but I’m guessing it was sent out before we started, because I never saw it.

I’ve got two upcoming events that I should be happily anticipating — friends who I’ve been dearly missing coming to stay with us and my 20-year high school reunion this weekend, but I’ve been feeling so gross that I’ve been dreading both events. (Jen, I assume you are reading this, and not to worry…I should be feeling full of glee by the time I see you guys.)

I’m drinking a chai, and there may be some retail therapy in the future.

down to three

Elliot is visiting his Gramma for a few days, and once again I’m reminded of how easy it is to care for one child when both parents are around. It’d be easier if that one child would SLEEP PAST 6 AM, but seeing as she goes to bed before 7 pm, I can’t complain too much. (Well actually I can and I probably will, since 5:45 am is just plain too early!)

The last night before Elliot went off to Gramma’s wasn’t the best one. I had some trouble getting him into the bathtub, and when the hitting began I started taking away privileges. We managed to get through the evening without too much more turmoil, and while I was happy with how I kept my cool, I wasn’t happy with my choice of consequences for his actions. With the first hit I told him he couldn’t play after his bath anymore (that was how I got him into the bath, with the promise of some playtime afterwards) and with the second hit I took away his nighttime toys — a couple of cars he plays with for a while in bed.

The consequences I chose had no relation to his behaviour, nor did they happen in a timely manner. So I think they were pretty pointless. Problem is, I don’t know what to do about the hitting. And my instincts are failing me with this one. A more natural consequence would be to walk away, but he hits when he’s upset, and if I walk away, his emotions tend to escalate, and he becomes inconsolable. (It’s at this point that I wonder if something is wrong with him, other than the obvious hardship of being three.) I did reassure myself to Greg by recognizing that I’m not hitting him back…so things could be worse!

So yes, this is a break for Greg and I. And Elliot will surely benefit from having some one-on-one time with someone who loves him dearly, and who probably has a bit more patience, simply because she’s his Gramma, not his mother. Not to mention he can avoid the pink eye that Amy has picked up.

And Amy, my early-rising girl, can enjoy some time with Mama and Dada. (Or Mama and Mama as we are currently called.)