it’s not a well-oiled machine

With the exception of an ACL tear when I was 17, my body has never failed me. Sure, I get sick, but I’ve always felt quite healthy, and I’ve always felt like I could depend on my physical and mental health.

I’m feeling a little less sure of that now. The anxiety I’ve been feeling has continued to rear its ugly head, although I think it’s a little less frequent. But it scares me, because as of yet there is no explanation for it. And I’ve started to dread going to bed…me who normally LOVES to sleep.

Then on Monday I found out that Beet has an irregular heartbeat. I’ve been for two non-stress tests and an ultrasound this week. The non-stress tests just confirmed the arrhythmia (and that Beet doesn’t appear to be in distress), and I haven’t got the ultrasound results yet. My doctor has tried to assure me that it’s probably nothing, and that it’ll probably resolve itself over time. But it’s hard not to worry.

It doesn’t help that with the exception of the actual birth, my pregnancy with Elliot was pretty much complication-free. I think it led to high expectations this time around.

So my body isn’t exactly failing me…Beet is probably fine, and my anxiety is hopefully just hormonal and will go away soon, but I just don’t like what’s been going on. I feel on edge. And I want to be able to sleep!

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