night before jitters

I’m going back to work tomorrow…and I’m feeling all sorts of things. I think the two biggies are sadness that I will no longer be spending every day with Elliot, and nervousness about starting a brand new job. Whose stupid idea was it to make a job change at the same time I’m having to deal with leaving my child for the first time??

I’m also feeling a bit of guilt about leaving Elliot in someone else’s care. I’m surprised at that one — I didn’t think I’d feel guilty. And I’m feeling a bit wistful that I’m losing some of my free time. Yes, taking care of Elliot is a lot of work, but almost every afternoon I get some me time while he naps. Although I will get that sometimes at work — time to take a walk at lunch time, have a nice lunch or poke around a few stores.

I think what I’d like to do is fast-forward a few weeks. To a point where I’m more used to the routine of not seeing Elliot every day, and to a point where I’m useful at work. I hate not being busy at work, and I hate not being useful…two things that are inevitable when you start a new job.

The plus of all this is I’m taking Thursdays off to spend with Elliot, and I’m really looking forward to our day together. I think it’ll break up the week quite nicely, and I’m lucky to be able to have that day off.

I’m off to bed now…I think I just need to get the first day over with and move on.

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