downs and ups

After 35 plus years of living, it still surprises me how my outlook can change so dramatically in a short time.

Yesterday afternoon Greg, Elliot and I were all exhausted and at least two out of three of us were feeling crummy with the beginnings of a cold (we’re not sure about E). I think it was the first time all of us were that tired at the same time, and we all had to get through the evening together.

We made it, barely (in hindsight dinner plans should have been scrapped and replaced by takeout), and when I went to bed, feeling icky and exhausted, I wondered how I would get through the week if I was starting out this tired. I didn’t sleep very well, which didn’t help matters.

We dragged ourselves out of bed and to work, and thankfully it was a good morning for Elliot so there weren’t any struggles with eating, dressing or getting in the car seat.

I’m not quite sure what happened, but as the day progressed I realized I was feeling much better mentally, and when I got home I had lots of energy to play with E while Greg made dinner. And this despite the fact that physically I feel like my head is going to explode.

I think part of it is that my job is not very taxing from a physical point of view (compared to my jam-packed day yesterday with E), so some of my energy stores came back. And I had a very nice lunch with two friends, and that boosted my spirits as well.

So tonight I feel as if I will get through the week, no problem! Of course it could all turn again overnight…:)

day one done

Well the first day’s over, and it wasn’t that bad. I didn’t really miss Elliot until I actually saw him after work, and I wasn’t twiddling my thumbs all day. They were quite prepared for me, which is a novelty. In my past jobs I’ve shown up and had pretty much nothing to do for at least the first day, if not the first week.

I am feeling a bit unsettled right now, but I think that’s probably normal. My routine is getting a total upheaval, and once I’m a bit more used to the change, I think I’ll get in the groove.

Elliot had a good first full day at daycare. He slept for almost two hours in the afternoon, and he seemed in good spirits this evening before bed. I must say the evening just flew by, having not seen him all day. Usually I’m looking forward to putting him to bed, but tonight I just wanted to be with him!

So yes, I think I’m still feeling a bit sad at this point, especially if I start really thinking about how much less time I’ll see Elliot, but perhaps I will try not to dwell on that, enjoy the time we do have together, and enjoy my job as well.

Now it’s time for a little escape — 24 starts in five minutes.

Thanks for all the phone calls and kind words, they were much appreciated. (Jen — I deleted your comment by mistake, but I did read it!).

night before jitters

I’m going back to work tomorrow…and I’m feeling all sorts of things. I think the two biggies are sadness that I will no longer be spending every day with Elliot, and nervousness about starting a brand new job. Whose stupid idea was it to make a job change at the same time I’m having to deal with leaving my child for the first time??

I’m also feeling a bit of guilt about leaving Elliot in someone else’s care. I’m surprised at that one — I didn’t think I’d feel guilty. And I’m feeling a bit wistful that I’m losing some of my free time. Yes, taking care of Elliot is a lot of work, but almost every afternoon I get some me time while he naps. Although I will get that sometimes at work — time to take a walk at lunch time, have a nice lunch or poke around a few stores.

I think what I’d like to do is fast-forward a few weeks. To a point where I’m more used to the routine of not seeing Elliot every day, and to a point where I’m useful at work. I hate not being busy at work, and I hate not being useful…two things that are inevitable when you start a new job.

The plus of all this is I’m taking Thursdays off to spend with Elliot, and I’m really looking forward to our day together. I think it’ll break up the week quite nicely, and I’m lucky to be able to have that day off.

I’m off to bed now…I think I just need to get the first day over with and move on.