This past weekend I spent about 24 hours away from Elliot, which was a first for me. We had our annual ladies weekend at the cabin, and although Elliot would have been welcome to come, I knew it would be more relaxing for me if Elliot stayed home with Greg.
This involved a bit of planning on my part as E is still nursing and has yet to try formula. I left Greg with four bottles of pumped milk and all went well. E slept really well, and the 5:00 am bottle was no problem. I was a bit worried about that one because he’s never been given a bottle in the middle of the night, and hence has never had to wait for it to be heated up.
The night away was lovely, despite the overnight power outage at the cabin and the snow on the Malahat. There were only six of us this year, and I enjoyed the smaller numbers. It felt calmer and more intimate. And the new beds at the cabin were a welcome addition.
I had been looking forward to the break away from Elliot for a while, and I have to admit that I was surprised at how I felt while I was away. I thought I’d be luxuriating at the lack of responsibility, but I wasn’t. I was certainly enjoying myself, but it didn’t feel like the big novelty I thought it would. I was a bit disappointed, as I felt I should be soaking up the free time.
I was telling my Mum this, and her response was that now I’m a mother, I’ll always be a mother — there’s no ‘break’ from that feeling. She may be right. And that’s not a bad thing. But next time hopefully I’ll be more prepared for this, and just enjoy the event for what it is, not because it’s a break from Elliot. And when I really think about it, that’s the way it should be.